Nabil Abdulrashid
The hair is always better on the other side.
(An unheard side to the interracial relationship story)
Firstly, as I’m well aware that my rant is in all probability going to offend quite a few, allow me to first state that I am proud to be black and believe that black women are gorgeous, beautiful and all other words I can use to describe them with risk of invoking hyperbole. In fact, with risk of sounding cliché I believe beauty exists in all races, colours and creed.
As much as I am proud of my west African heritage and pro “blackness”, it just so happens I have found love in a culture/race outside my own; I am engaged to a wonderful woman of Pakistani heritage (eeeeek honour killing alert!!!). Now, call me naive but that really shouldn’t be a big deal now should it??? No! I didn’t think so, but despite the world being a global village and all the struggles our heroes past have gone through to liberate us, (negroes especially), it is sad to see that we still take the myopic view that black men who date or marry outside the fold are somehow traitors akin to draft dodgers of the Vietnam war; because I’m not dating a black girl I’m some sort of traitor.
It’s not my paranoia, its actual fact, it’s a constant “debate” where only one side is heard; the black woman’s. Wallahi, (oh yeah I’m Muslim by the way, more on that later) I’m not surprised if we get looks from older generation Africans or Asians when we’re out in public- though surprisingly we do get a lot of supportive smiles – but I have never been stared at with more disgust by anybody, even skinheads, than when I walk past young black females with my lady of interest. We’ve had people (black girls) actually stop and eyeball us, even when they’re driving (I mean seriously is it worth risking a traffic pile up in Norbury?). Jaws open like starving kids in an Oxfam add looking ready to downright stab us, whatever happened to subtlety my Nubian queens?!
What really gets to me is that rather than thinking “oh maybe they have stuff in common” or “oh she’s wearing a hijab, he’s wearing a kaftan; they’re both Muslims”, instead the pseudo-propaganda drilled into a lot of people’s heads now is “he’s with her because she’s a lighty” or “kmt he probably can’t handle a black girl”. I’ve even had female friends from my native country tell me that I should go for a black girl and “keep my culture alive”, bearing in mind that the vast majority of black people who’ve grown up in the UK aren’t even cultural at all and most know nothing of their nation or tribes histories; I’d even be hard pressed to find a black British person fluent in their mother tongue. This is where my greatest frustration lies with the stupid culture dating debate; what does being black really mean?? Black isn’t a race or a culture. In Nigeria, Ghana and most other “black” African cultures, people are more concerned with tribe and ancestry the whole “black” thing is just a generic label that we didn’t even come up with ourselves. Black and urban are basically the same word and everything labelled as black culture here in the UK is linked to being hood, street or cool and even sexual. If you don’t believe me have a look at every TV advert or program aimed at black people, they’ve made coons and gollywogs out of us and the most positive black image is exotic and sexualised; if we aren’t that then we’re animalised, demonised and if it ain’t that we’re coconutised. The first time I went to Halifax I was sooooo disappointed not to see people dancing!! (see Halifax advert). As a stand up comic, I constantly have to see other black comics help the media perpetuate this negative bile to whooping applause, from approving people (young black females mainly) all to glad to be baptised in negativity.
Whatever happened to the widely accepted positive stereotypes of black women?? You know… “a black woman would never…cause a scene in public, have sex on the first date, get drunk and act a fool, dress that way, cheat on her man, sleep with so many different men…” and all the other stuff we wrongly attributed to white girls?? Now how much of that original proud identity still exists? How much of the above listed myth still applies to the newly updated archetype; the modern raving black girl?
I’m not saying ALL or even a majority of black girls are raving, scene causing, single mums, but there is a serious wide spread problem with the female of the species (I will speak about black men next week). How much difference now is there really between black women and white women? Other than the obvious physiological differences that are starting to fade too, I mean seriously with bleach, weave and de-racialisation going rampant I can’t tell Beyonce from Britney Spears anymore. There is a growing trend of black women trying to look white via bleach and extensions, I’d dare say four out of five black girls in London wear weave!! It’s so saddening to see that self hate has become part of fashion, you can say what you like but if you feel more comfortable wearing somebody else’s hair than your own you are conceding that theirs is better. It is that simple, if you spend all your time trying to look like someone else because you feel subconsciously they look better than you, why complain when somebody goes for the real thing??
If you were rocking a natural hairstyle etc. and being all rootsy then I’d understand, but the fact is it’s these rainbow coloured, weave wearing, black sirens, queuing outside raves that stare me down that really frustrates me. I actually find it comical, they’re on one side of the road thinking “hmmmm these white women always take away our best men” and my fiancé looks at them and thinks “these black girls always take our worst hair”. In all honesty, I put weavists and bleachers in the same class, the only difference between Katisha and Jemma is that Jemma is more likely to get an abortion (oh no he didn’t). If anything I’ve said has offended you you’re probably rocking some horse hair right now (Mr. Patel’s daughter and several other bald Indian girls just carted off Alesha Dixon for follicle theft and scalp erosion). I’m not judging, just offering opinion and food for thought.
What nobody seems to understand is that the mere fact that black people consider men going outside their race as an issue, actually shows how far behind we are in race relations as a people and how shallow, pedantic and archaic our views on our own identity. If a white person came on national TV and complained about how black men are breeding up white women they’d be branded as racist, yet black women are allowed to talk this way and it’s tolerated (like the spouting of the retarded kid at the back of the class, nobody bothers to get offended because he’s “special”) The whole culture of the “independent black woman” is a man made and manufactured fraud and women need to turn away from it. There is a reason songs like “Survivor” and “Bust the windows of your car” tend to sell better than songs like “Cater to you”; it’s all a trap you can’t eat your cake and have it too. If you don’t need a man what’s the big deal if he looks somewhere else?
All in all if we’re going to be pro anything we should be pro happiness and if we’re going to be pro black let’s do it properly; burn all weaves and hunt down the owners of B.E.T, channel AKA, MTV base and mow them down with an ak47 and feed their remains to Oprah Winfrey (that’s an episode I’d love to watch). It’s high time we stopped letting media define us and teach us who we are and how we’re meant to be and discovered the true essence of our roots; stop looking at the likes of Rihanna and Nicki Minaj as role models and stop being so narrow minded about interracial relationships; there is more to me than my skin and I’m sure if you look deep enough the same can be said for you. I’m with who I’m with because she is a pious God fearing woman who believes in me, shares my interests and will stand by me when I need her; I don’t even remember what colour she is till weave wearing fascists remind me with their laser vision (if looks could kill I’d have held more shots than Pac did). I’m not Tiger Wood’s or Ashley Cole (could use the money though) but next time you see a black dude with a girl depleted of melanin don’t judge him or make assumptions maybe…just maybe, they’re together because they love each other.
(ps remember the worlds most celebrated blackman is the product of an interracial union)
Wow I don’t even know what to say. There are bits where I agree like how it’d be deemed racist if a White woman talked about black men breeding up White women it would be racist; we should never have double standards. BUT, the way you describe black women is rude. Black hair is different to White or Asian hair and we can’t always be leaving our hair out because it’ll break and dallnoff. That’s where weaves come in handy. They preserve our hair and allow it to grow and thrive.
I’m not against you being with a Pakistani woman, I’m happy for you that you love her. But it seems that there are too many black women in comparison to black men and when you take away the ones who are in relationships, in prison or whatever, there aren’t many left and that’s quite sad for us women.
my dear ebony sister…
allow me to point out a few things….
firstly, like I stated before, I wasn’t describing ALL black women but merely the group that bothered me the most… I also said that if this post offends you in anyway then you are probably a weavist and from your desperate and adamant defense of weave it would appear you are guilty as charged.
NO weave doesn’t help your hair thrive it actually damages your hair, covering your hair when it’s cold with a scarf (yup hijabs work) or du rag and creaming it regularly helps your hair thrive as well as braiding and trimming, you will note black boys tend to grow long hair much easier than girls do and we rarely relax or wear extensions.
weave is just fashionable self hate and I’d take a women with short hair over a woman who wears fake hair anyday… you guys have no idea how white asian and arab women as well as africans who grow long hair laugh at you guys you’re making yourselves a laughing stock by wearing that stuff, and it’s so expensive if you spent that much money on your actual hair it would grow (some girls have no food in the fridge but rock £400 worth of hindu hair)
as for your point about there being less black men…. well if there are still enough for women from other races then clearly it’s not the number that is the problem is it? it’s YOU the women….. maybe instead of complaining you should date outside the race too and hang up prejudices women outnumber men in all races not just black people the whole thing about prison is a silly stereotypical excuse
ps most guys cme out of prison eventually….
The article was very well written, you raised some interesting points.
In response to the comment above, I myself as a black woman take no offence to the article at all. Firstly, weave does not help in the preservation of our hair, whether its glue or clip on it really just is far more for fashion purposes than hair care. Braids are the best method to give our hair growth, I’ve never seen the elders in my family rocking weave. It’s just fake and really demeaning to natural physical make up. Secondly, I think it about time we admitted that there are many decent black men around, it just so happens we aren’t decent women anymore. Which is why you find most black men settling down with women from other races. Either we are too picky and demanding or busy trying to chase this white dream.
I am proud to be a black Muslim woman. I think it’s about time the sisters bring their game up. We should be proud of where we are from and what we have been given.
I really enjoyed the article!
I LOVE YOU NABIL! I WISH I COULD BE YOUR PAKISTANI WOMAN!
*Round of applause* *Salute* *Further applause*
Firstly, I have to say, well done on such a brilliantly engaging blog – most articles/blogs/rants I’ve read on interracial dating have been a diatribe of garbage laced full of justifications for said relationship. This is a great read and speaks much (blatant) truth.
Secondly, congratulations on your engagement, that is fabulous news. It is nice to know that people of colour are still making moves towards becoming family units and committing to their union in these times of….well, disposable lifestyles.
Thirdly, the points you make about weaves and false hair are true; more Sisters need to wake up and comb their OWN natural hair, instead of running a come through someone else’s and leaving heaps of it everywhere in their path thereafter. It is a sad state of affairs that people are not willing to be themselves, and that they aspire to look like someone so far removed from our original features and traits then cuss about men going for the women who rock those looks naturally.
The argument that weave preserves and protects our natural hair is an urban myth that is so often repeated that many believe it to be true.
One of these days, the MAJORITY of Black women will stand up with pride, rocking what they naturally have, having learned how to treat, tend to and look after it and teach our younger Black girls, ladys and women, as well as the men, that we are beautiful as we are.
I know I focused on the hair issue, but I’m pleased for you, as I said – go forth and be happy. Bun a fire (not literally) on disapprovers, treat one another well and do YOU!
Bless, Comfort
This is seriously funny.
MADE MY WEEK!
Like he said he didnt write this to offend anyone, so please do not take it to any offence.
he’s just speaking the truth, truth hurts. get over it.
Nabil has got to be one of the funniest upcoming comedians & this piece proves that he is capable of taking a very ‘serious’ topic to some people and turning it into humor with a meaning.
i salute you brother. =)
Thanks you
i had a big smile on my face the whole time i was reading this. This definitely raised alota eyebrows but you spoke the honest truth and sadly the truth hurts.
May allah (swt) fill your lifes With happiness and blessings ameen
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It’s Very Nice to Read about How Much you and Your Fiancé Love Each Other and I’m Happy You Don’t Let the Small Minded Few within Our Society Get to You.
Ahhhh Weave Weave Weave. I’m Not Pro or Anti Weave and I Really Don’t Believe That Every Black Woman In A Weave Hates Herself and Her Ancestry. Sometimes You Want To Change Up Your Look, I’ve Always Looked at It As Part Of Being A Girl. Too Many Black Men Are On This ‘Come Natural Tip’ To Only Then Run For Cover When The Afros Comes Out. The Weave Thing Is However Going A Little Too Far Now I Mean, Purple Hair? Really?
As For Whole Fake Thing; I Feel Like Men (Not All) Of Today Seem To Worship Fake Women. Most Females are Aware of This, Now Mix That Up With Their Desire For Attention and You Are Most Definitely Going to Get Rihanna, Kim K and Nicki Minaj Rebores but to Each His Own.
I Find The Uproar From Some Black Women When They See A Black Man With A Non-Black Woman Oh So VERY Petty and There Actually IS A HUGE Double Standard. The Black Women That Claim A Black Man Is A ‘Traitor’ For Seeking Love Outside His Race are The SAME Black Women Who Will Fully Support A Black Woman’s Decision To Be With A Non-Black Man Screaming Out The All Too Familiar Phrase ‘Black Men Ain’t Shit’. Hypocritical Much? Some Black Men Do Need To Stop Blaming Black Women and Degrading Us A Reason For Looking For Love Elsewhere Though, It Hurts.
In Regards To Ebony’s Statement on There Being More Black Men than Black Women, I Don’t Think That’s Just A Black Issue, Women Out Number Men Worldwide, No?
im aware that weave can be a protective hair style but to be honest you can get the same benefit from just plaiting your own hair and deep conditioning e.t.c , as a black muslim woman i find it a little annoying that we as black women are still so hung up on women of other races ‘taking our men’ , this just is not true , there is no unwritten rule that we as black women cant also go outside of our race , if there isnt ‘enough black men’ then look around , there are alot of kind hearted men and if we as black women wernt so hung up on race maybe less of us would be single …
bruuuuuv,
black girls these days are just a disgrace, this weave ting is depressing I never even thought of it dat way still, like seriously why wear a next persons hair and get emotional when a man goes for the next girl not you??
there are loads of good guys about but black girls make them turn bad, I know nuff guys who got turned down because they was “too nice” it’s only a BLACK girl or a girl who hangs around blackgirls for too long that will spend their time looking for a guy who is irresponsible to date or be with and then complain when the guy leaves or starts to treat her bad…. most succesful men are wid white girls because white girls see potential and catch dem early and support dem (apart from tiger woods) black girls just see doe dats why white girls become wifey and black girls stay groupies real talk….
Brilliant article. I found myself nodding to 99% of it and laughing in agreement to the remaining 1%. But for the record I would like to state the following:
I agree 120% with Nabil on all the points raised. How the likes of Rihanna managed to convince an entire generation that red hair is fashionable is beyond me.
I’ve met or know black women who wish to date outside their race so the foolish few who mop mixed raced couples need to get their heads examined.
I also notice that the weaved up women are the ones that ask for and I quote “real” men. What the f*ck is a real man? How can you ask for a real man when 30% of you is fake (the hair, nails, eye lashes, fake breasts and bottoms)?
Not surprisingly enough a number of black women want to so called “bad boys” i.e. the men that will lie, cheat, steal & some cases beat them but when the man that will love, honour & repect them comes along they are and I quote “just friends” and 40years down the line are still looking for their “dream man”.
I could go on and on about what is wrong with some black women today but I’ll leave that for my own rant. Good job Nabil & keep up the good work!!!